Being shy, modest and retiring, I’m reluctant to tell you about the award that has recently been bestowed upon Gnarly Joe® by The Sun newspaper. But seeing as you’ve twisted my arm, I will: Gnarly Joe has been voted Best Beard Shampoo of 2019. There, I said it.

You’ll occasionally see the words ‘no-nonsense’ on my packaging, leaflets, listings, and this website, and you might wonder what’s meant by it. OK, you probably won’t but allow me to expand upon it anyway (after all, we’re both here, and I’ve got five minutes to kill).

Once a month, I play poker with friends. In an increasingly uncertain, frantic and chaotic world, it’s nice to have the discipline of a monthly meet-up, during which we can discuss deep philosophical issues and catch up with what’s happening in each of our lives.

Welcome to Gnarly Joe®, it's great to see you. I hope that you like what you see and stick around for a while. Right, that's got the pleasantries out of the way, let's establish some ground rules...